How To Get Over Him: QUARANTINE EDITION
Welcome back, ladies and gents.
Today is a very special day because I am teaching you how to overcome one of the biggest obstacles you may face during this pandemic. How to get tf over someone, while you’re stuck in your house alone.
Let’s get started, shall we?
STEP 1: First things first. You must, and I cannot stress this enough, repeat the following phrase to yourself. “I AM TOO CUTE FOR THIS SHIT.” Just say it over and over again until you remember who tf you are and how this is truly just a waste of your time.
STEP 2: Invest in a bluetooth picture taker. I don’t know the technical term, but essentially it’s a little clicker that takes photos from your phone, with the click of a little handheld button. Would actually recommend investing in a solid ring light as well, but just get started with the $16 clicker for now. Once you have it, have yourself a little photoshoot alone as a reminder of just how cute you really are.
STEP 3: Remember the ick about him. We all have our icks about the dudes in our lives. For instance, an ick about my ex was that he used to tweet vague, emotional lyrics to songs he wrote that no one knew. Like, why? For WHO? Yourself? Save it for your diary. Ick.
STEP 4: Change his name in your phone to something revolting. A fun one I’ve used in the past is ‘BeefCake.’ 10/10 would recommend. Who tf wants to text a Beefcake? Not you!
STEP 5: Now, listen. I know this is quarantine so there aren’t as many distractions, but you MUST create a new routine that keeps you busy and happy. Because let’s be real. The only thing this dude really truly offered to you at the end of the day, was a bit of increased dopamine. And there are plenty of other ways to increase your dopamine levels. So don’t stress.
STEP 6: Do sh*t that makes you feel GOOD. For example, drink a lot of water and exercise. I know, it sounds mehhh right now, but you’ll feel better afterwards. And when you feel better, you’ll feel happier. And when you feel happier, you’ll forget all about Beefcake.
STEP 7: Start a new netflix show! You may not have a man to commit to, but there are plenty of shows (emotionally) available for you that you can spend the next several weeks with. Did I mention all 800 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy are on Netflix as we speak? Get cookin’.
STEP 8: Create a feel good playlist and dance your heart out. I highly recommend anything Cardi B. Especially the ones she wrote about Offset prior to them getting back together. Those songs are super therapeutic if you feel compelled to yell at someone then cry in the shower after.
STEP 9: Reach out to your friends so they can remind you how wonderful you are and how this guy is trash. Plus, honestly, you need to socialize a little bit. These are lonely times.
STEP 10: And lastly… get back out there! Even if that means simply creating a hinge account and making small talk with total strangers. You must see what else is out there. Because ‘out there’ is where you’re eventually going to meet the right person for you. GOT IT?! Your person is not Beefcake. Trust me.
Alright, hope these tips helped. Don’t forget, you’re cute af and he’s an ick.
xo
Renee