WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK: THREE MONTHS IN LA
1.
I need a vacuum. So far I only really have two cleaning tools. First, there’s my dustpan and brush. No, Not a dustpan and broom; a dustpan and brush. That really only gets one so far, believe me. I have tried using that thing to sweep the entirety of my apartment, because well, I am clearly very efficient when it comes to cleaning. Also, I got that Swiffer sweeper that you are always seeing in those commercials with the cute elderly couple. I thought this would be perfect because in the commercials it always shows how well the Swiffer picks up all of the dirt, lint, and cat hair on your floor. But I accidentally bought the mop pads instead of the regular dry cloths (because for some reason I can’t tell the difference between the word “mop” and “dry cloth”) and well, the mop pads don’t exactly “pick up” anything. It just mops. That’s it. So yea, I need a vacuum.
2.
My grocery shopping skills have hit an all time low. I didn’t really have any food in my apartment, so the other day I went to Target to stock up. You want to know what I stocked up on? Goldfish. That’s all I got. But it was 3 for $5, so I should be good for a few days.
3.
I can justify driving thirty minutes out of my way just to get ice cream if it’s National Ice Cream day. That’s my life. But in my defense, it wasn’t just any ice cream place, it was Sprinkles Ice Cream. It’s not my fault their closest location was all the way in Beverly Hills. And it came with a FREE cupcake. So. Yea, worth it.
4.
I’m no longer a friendly driver on the road. It’s not my fault though. Why is everyone so terrible at driving? Sir, why are you merging into my lane without using your blinker? Do you not know what a blinker is? Do you think that I’m supposed to just know when you’re coming over here? And excuse me, ma’am. I know we’re just in line at the Starbucks Drive Thru, but that doesn’t mean you can dilly dally on your iphone and not notice when all of the cars move forward, because you’re far too invested in your game of Flappy Bird. I want my coffee sometime today, thank you.
5.
I’ve mastered the art of being a cat lady. Yes, I spent 60 dollars at Target just to get the perfect litter box set up. I bought something called a “litter genie”, a new litter box with a lid and door, a mat to go with it, and of course, some fancy litter. I should really add these facts to my dating profile, don’t you think?
6.
About two seconds ago, I was reminded of how bad I am at basketball. Right now, I am sitting about one foot away from the trash at Starbucks. Yea, yea I’m at Starbucks. Surprise, surprise. And I kid you not. I put my hand right up to the trash to throw away my straw and missed. From one foot away. So of course I then had to get off my chair, kneel to the ground, pick it up and then carefully place it inside of the trash, because I’m sure otherwise I would’ve missed again. See mom? This is why I never played any sports in school.
7.
I despise Dawson’s Creek. I started watching it on Netflix, because, well, I needed a new show and it was one of my “suggestions”. Clearly Netflix doesn’t know me as well as I thought. First of all, there is no character I actually like. Joey is far too emotionally unstable and has to get a grip. Jen needs to make up her freaking mind for once and stop being a crazy person. And Dawson needs to just stop in general. I can’t handle his overly optimistic outlook on everything and his need to use big words that no fifteen year old actually uses on a day to day basis, let alone In every sentence. Not to mention they are all fine and dandy with breaking into each other’s houses. Climbing through someone’s window without any invitation? That’s the definition of breaking and entering. And instead of Dawson being like, “Hey guys, this is actually super creepy, not to mention illegal, so please leave”,he goes “Hey, what’s up?” What’s up? I can’t. I just can’t.
8.
Lastly, I had a realization, recently. That moment happened. That moment where I can’t imagine moving back home and finally feel completely at home in LA. So for those of you moving out here, it’s hard at first. There will be times where you think it’s too much to take in and will literally just want to pack up right then and there and go home. But it passes. And it gets easier. And I’m going to stop being inspirational now. Basically, I’m settled. It happened. Not sure exactly what it was. It was probably the cats.