An Open Letter To Drivers in LA

Dear Fellow Drivers In LA,

Listen up. It’s raining, LA. And yes. I understand this doesn’t happen often so you don’t exactly know how to handle weather conditions aside from ‘sunny and in the 70’s’. But rain changes a few things. You may not know this, but it makes roads a little slippery. So, Mr. cool-sports-car-guy, can you not go 95 miles per hour on the freeway today? Come on! The other day, when it rained… Not even poured. Just a little rain, I saw at least five cars that were in the process getting towed from an accident or waiting for the tow truck right after an accident just on my way to work. Which is a 15 minute drive. This is not okay.

All I’m saying is that you need to get it together. That’s all. Is that so much to ask? Just slow down! We’re already used to taking an hour to get anywhere with our stop and go traffic all the time. Where are you rushing to? Isn’t it cool to be fashionably late anyway? My god. Oh and let’s just talk about everyone calling this drizzle a ‘storm’. No. It is not a storm. A storm is when you need an umbrella, but the umbrella you use is blown inside out because the wind is so strong. Do you hear thunder? Do you see any lightning? No? Do you get drenched when you walk from your car to Starbucks to get your super complicated order that clearly isn’t on the menu? No? Oh weird. Want to know why? Because it’s borderline misting outside. That’s it. So calm down and put away your rain ponchos and nonslip-water-resistant boat shoes.

So now that we’ve covered the basics, I’d just like to review what we’ve learned today. 1.) Don’t drive like an idiot 2.) Avoid using the word ‘storm’ And 3.) Stop dressing like it’s hurricane Katrina.