I had this revelation just yesterday and immediately put it in my iphone notes so I wouldn’t forget it. Getting over a breakup is a lot like getting in shape.

Hear me out.

When you start working out for the first time ever or at least for the first time in a while, it’s hard. Like, really hard. It’s hard getting your ass to the gym, it’s hard pushing yourself through a strenuous workout, and it’s even harder doing both of those things and still waking up and convincing yourself to do it all over again.  

Well, when you’re in the beginning stages of a breakup, rather than forcing yourself to run on a treadmill or attend a pilates class, you’re forcing yourself to not contact your ex in any way, shape, or form. Which, tbh, is much more difficult. And this is coming from someone who hates working out.

I didn’t realize just how difficult it would be cutting someone I loved out of my life until I had to go through it. It physically hurts, but sometimes the bad outweighs the good and you need to do what’s best for you.

But don’t be fooled. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s usually a lot harder than you think. The first couple days may be easy, but all of a sudden, two weeks feels like a year and god forbid you lurk and see something you don’t like and before you know it, you’re writing an essay-length text message at 2 in the morning. In those moments, you have to try your best to control your urges. Also, don’t lurk while you’re in the stages of getting over someone. It never ends well.

I can almost guarantee, if you’ve been through a tough breakup before, you’ve tried talking to your ex at some point when things first ended just to keep from fully letting go. Many people would rather hang on to their ex in some way, so that they don’t have to fully deal with the feelings of a breakup just yet.  

But have no fear. This is the part of the blog where I give my best tips on how to get through this difficult time. Yes, it’s hard and it sucks and I’m not going to sugarcoat this. But I believe in you, so here are my tips.

1.)  When doing this, you need to have zero hope about getting back together. When you hang onto even the slightest sliver of hope, you will find all sorts of excuses to reach out anytime you feel weak.

2.)  If you get triggered by something and immediately want to contact your ex, call a friend and talk about it instead. But not just any friend, pick the friend who usually knows exactly what to say to make you feel better. You need a pep talk stat.

3.)  Whenever you want to text your ex, read a book or go for a walk instead.

4.)  Speaking of which, keep. yourself. busy.

5.)   If the idea of never talking to them again overwhelms you, force yourself to have at LEAST a 30-day period of not contacting them. This way, it gives you time to heal without it feeling totally undoable in your mind.

6.) Another tip for if everything feels overwhelming, is to take it all day by day. So, instead of telling yourself, “I can’t ever talk to them again,” change your self-talk to “I’m not going to talk to them today.” And keep doing that every day.

Well, there you have it! I promise this will get easier as the days go on. I mean, people get in shape all the time, right? We can surely get over some dude from our past. Emphasis on PAST.