You know how this pandemic has felt like it’s had multiple chapters? Well, along with these chapters changing our daily routines (like going from the banana bread phase to the “slowly losing my mind a little more each and every day” phase), my dating life has had it’s own little chapters as well. In the beginning, I wasn’t dating at all. Because, you know, I thought the world was ending. 

By late Spring, I had a change of heart and decided to do the most healthy thing one could possibly do. I decided to find out why every single previous connection I had ever had didn’t work out. I’m joking! Kind of. Not really. 

Now, listen. I may have been one to self sabotage a good thing a little bit here and there in my life. So, naturally… there was a bit of a curiosity towards some relationships that I, myself, had blown up when I had… I don’t know...gotten a little freaked out about getting too close? Maybe? I don’t know. I’m still in therapy, so TBD.

Then there were the relationships that never had a chance to bloom for one reason or another. And of course, maybe one or two that I knew damn well did NOT work but still fooled myself into getting too close all over again because we were both lonely at home with nothing better to do.

This little experiment led me to quite a few revelations. For one, apparently everything does happen for a reason. I can safely say I now understand why all of those past relationships weren’t meant to work out, even the ones I blew up myself. Go figure!

So that was kinda fun! Kind of. It was definitely a cathartic time for me. I even apologized to one guy for ghosting him 3 years ago. Yes, I reached out to a man I hadn’t spoken to in years because quarantine really gave me time to reflect and feel guilty about things that really didn’t matter anymore. 

Come summertime, I decided I should probably try to actually open myself up to the scary possibility of meeting someone completely new. Uncharted territory. So, I opened up my handy dandy dating app that I, for some reason, still had on my phone and gave it a go. First question was...where do I put the location? 

There I was, temporarily residing on the east coast for god knows how long… when on the other hand...I could be called back to LA  at any point once this quarantine ended. Spoiler: It didn’t.  I ended up deciding to put my location on the east coast, a few hours from where I was living. Don’t ask me why. 

Which brings me to my most datey (datey?) chapter of quarantine. I was on the app actually responding to people, being open, the whole thing.

I even almost met up with a guy who wanted to drive 2 and a half hours to meet me for a golf date. He was cute, Irish, and totally down for a social distance date! Normal me, pre-pandemic me, would’ve been thrilled and totally game. I mean, he was tall, attractive, and I hadn’t flirted with a man in person in months.

But then, the COVID anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. Because you can’t trust that someone you’re just meeting is being as careful as you are. That was an unfortunate reality I had to face. 

All I kept thinking was, what if this guy was the type of person that said he was down for a socially distanced date, and then didn’t respect a single boundary after we were in person? Then what would I do? Send him home immediately and pray he didn’t get his saliva on me when he went in for a hug that I dodged? Then I would’ve felt guilty ending it 10 minutes in after he drove nearly 3 hours to see me. It would’ve been a disaster. 

The idea of the date gave me so much anxiety, I cancelled. Twice. And then we stopped speaking. Perhaps I’ll apologize to him in 3 years. 

In all seriousness, this was the first time I realized that I may not feel comfortable hanging out with a cute guy for a very long time. Because as much as I craved some sort of intimacy or connection, I wanted to be careful.

After that situation, I decided to move my location on the dating app back to LA, since that made the most sense. I clearly didn’t feel comfortable enough to meet up with someone in person, and also, LA is where I’d be after this all ended.

Switching my location back to LA led me to the beautiful journey of zoom/facetime/video chat dating. What a world. 

So, at this point, I’ve been on my fair share of video chat dates. And let me tell you. It sucks not being able to see people in person after you establish a connection. It does.

But on the other hand. Wow is it nice being able to say whatever excuse you need to hang up with someone that you’re just not feeling it with. And then that’s that. You don’t have to awkwardly stand with them while you wait for your uber, you don’t have to sit around for the check or finish the drink before you can get the hell out of the bar. You can just simply click “end call” and never see them again. Just like that. 

Also, video chat dating has made me realize how creative people can get during such a weird time. You can still court someone virtually in 2020, which is nuts. Maybe it’s not the way of choice, but it is possible. 

For example, this one guy bought me a bottle of wine for our date, which really impressed me. More than it would’ve if he had bought me a drink in person. Because, there we were, meeting with a screen between us while I was miles and miles away, and he still treated it like it was a real date and wanted to do something sweet. 

Now, listen. Obviously I can go get my own bottle of wine. But that extra thoughtfulness went a long way. Another example of getting creative, having a movie date. You can start a movie at the same time while on FaceTime, grab some snacks, and pretend that this is a normal thing and not the result of a global pandemic slowly driving us to insanity. There are plenty of ways to shake things up.

Anyway, all of this is to say, I know we’re living in a weird, lonely time. And now more than ever, we’re craving connection. So I’m just here to remind you that dating in 2020 is possible, even if you’re being super careful. 

Xo 

Renee