Why do we get jealous? Why is that a thing? Now don’t get me wrong, I get jealous. I get jealous quite often. But really, it’s over the most idiotic things. So for your amusement, I have compiled a list of people that make me jealous.

1. I am jealous of people who own really cute pets. Like those precious little cats with the dented ears. Scottish fold cats? Oh my god. And don’t even get me started on puppies. Basically I ponder the idea of pet-napping people’s animals on a daily basis.

2. I am jealous of people that have magic on TV shows. I want to heal with my hands and freeze time and have a really old spell book in my attic. (You’ve all seen Charmed, right?) How am I supposed to feel good about my life after coming to the conclusion I cannot move objects with my mind! (Freaking Matilda. she was what, 6? and already way cooler than me) Oh and don’t even get me started on Halloweentown. I want to be Marnie and just ride on that crazy colored broom of hers all around Halloweentown.

3. I am jealous of whomever Ryan Gosling is dating or has dated or is friends with. Because, Ryan Gosling.

4. I am jealous of people who can sing. Why can’t I sing? Sometimes I have evil dreams of being Ursula and stealing Beyonce’s voice. Like how cool would it be to sing like Beyonce? You would 100% win every talent show ever. I’m just saying.

5. I am jealous of people who seem like they are having fun all the time. There are some people who are just always out having crazy fun with all of their fun friends and then you look around and see it’s 3 pm, you haven’t even gotten dressed yet and have been sitting in bed with your cat for 5 hours watching a Law & Order SVU marathon. You’re then forced to question all of your life decisions.

6. I am jealous of people who have their lives figured out. I personally feel like I am constantly sailing through the middle of the ocean in a blow up boat during a tropical storm trying to find land but have no idea where to look.

7. I am jealous whenever I hear about anything anyone is doing back home. My friend Shanley will be all, “I worked a closing shift on the bar.” And I will just sit there with a sad, blank, stare and think. Oh my god. I bet so many people came in and ordered drinks. I wish I worked that night. I wonder if they did pre-meal. Sometimes the only thing you want to do is work an 8 hour shift back home with your work family and just reminisce. Familiarity is the best and a lot of the time we take it for granted. Don’t get me wrong. The unknown is fun and an adventure. But sometimes we don’t want an adventure. We just want comfortable.

8. I am jealous of people who are really fashionable and know exactly what they need from clothing stores. I personally have no idea what I’m doing when I go shopping. I always just end up grabbing a bunch of stuff I like, but don’t need. This is why I own a million dresses but nothing to accessorize them with.

9. I am jealous of people who only eat healthy food and love it. You know, the people who make green smoothies every morning and enjoy it. And when they have a sweet tooth, they choose to go for berries or a Greek yogurt instead of ice cream. Why don’t I have healthier taste in food? I’m all about the bad stuff. I have to force myself to be like, “No. You don’t want In N Out. You want … a salad.”

10. I am jealous of early birds. As they say, “The early bird gets the worm!” If this is true and I was a bird, I would die from starvation.

11. I am jealous of people with patience. I personally have no patience. That’s why I am a huge fan of microwaves and high speed Internet. But some people are just so patient! Like people who write books. I love writing, but with my patience, that won’t happen. So instead, I have about 64 different word documents that all contain a chapter or two from some story I started forever ago and just never continued. Thus, I have a blog.

12. I am jealous of People who have really cool apartments. Some people can just really decorate an apartment. Then there’s me, who doesn’t even know how to hang up curtains.

13. I am jealous of people who get runners high. What the hell is ‘runners high’? Why have I heard this so many times but never experienced it myself? I do a bit of cardio myself, but never and I mean NEVER, have I once been like, “Oh, 3 miles already? I’m really starting to enjoy this now!” Never. Ever. And I am still a disbeliever in the whole thing.