Nick Jonas announced his engagement to Priyanka Chopra just days ago and though it was a surprise to some of his fans, the rest of us with access to the Internet and way too much time on our hands knew of this long before it was announced via Instagram.

When he did make it official though, it lead to many questions like, why Priyanka? Haven’t they only been dating for like two seconds? And of course, why is every young star now getting engaged after a month of dating?

Well, because Nick and I have a long history of me being in love with him, while he has no idea I exist; I felt it was only right for me to overanalyze his engagement, like I do with everything else in my life.

So, Nick has dated a lot of ladies prior to Priyanka. In fact, I just wrote a script for Clevver, where I had to list every single girl he dated (that we know of) before Priyanka, and there were fifteen. FIFTEEN. Sure, some of the girls were dating Nick when he was basically a fetus …but others, were pretty serious relationships. So why didn’t those last? Actually no. Let’s get to the real question here. Why the hell did Nick Jonas not propose to Olivia Culpo?

In case you don’t know, Olivia Culpo is a gorgeous, successful, STUNNING, talented, INSANELY BEAUTIFUL human being that Nick Jonas had the pleasure of dating for two years. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out and the two split. Though we didn’t know why at the time, we put two and two together once Nick dropped a breakup album that was basically screaming: “I regret losing you, Olivia Culpo!” And in it, revealed the reason to be because Nick didn’t see himself ever getting married. Thus, losing the Goddess that is Olivia Culpo. I know.

Fast-forward to now, he’s engaged to a woman, who, as far as we know, he’s been dating for maybe two months. And that’s not even the worst part. Before you think “well maybe he had a better connection with Priyanka this whole time,” Did you know Nick re-followed Olivia, literally the second she announced her breakup with that Patriots player? Yup, he re-followed her and started liking a bunch of her pics, which is basically the Instagram equivalent of courting someone. AND this was right before he got with Priyanka. That, my friends, sounds like the perfect example of men being like cabs.

CAB THEORY

Remember that episode of Sex & The City when Miranda introduces the “men are like cabs” metaphor? Well, let me refresh your memory.  While in the ladies room with her gal pals, Miranda says, and I quote, “Men are like cabs. When they're available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they're ready to settle down, have babies, whatever. And they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom. That's the one they'll marry. It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck.”

This makes a lot of sense and honestly, could be applied to a few more celeb engagements…like Hailey Baldwin and Justin Bieber, perhaps? But anyway, let’s get back to Nick.

My theory is that Nick was finally ready to settle down, he just didn’t know who he was going to do it with. First he attempted to win back Olivia Culpo, but it didn’t work, so, naturally, he slid into the DMs of another successful woman, who he had some sort of connection with at one point in the past. And boom! Nick is off the market.

My theory could be way off, though. I mean, maybe Priyanka and Nick have actually been in love with each other this whole time. Maybe ‘Mandy’ was originally titled ‘Priyanka’ and there wasn’t even a real Mandy to begin with. Perhaps this whole time he was just covering up the fact he was in love with a woman 11 years older than him, when he was like 12.

Who knows? But I want to hear your theory. Why do you think Nick finally decided to settle down with Priyanka? Let me know your thoughts and theories down in the comments.